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User blog:XMysticWolvesx/Need to let this out somewhere, can ignore.
Feel free to read, I don't mind. This is just a place where I poured out everything I kept locked inside me for a long, long, time. I'll answer/acknoledge any comments. ''' ------- It's been so long. I haven't even noticed the time pass so quickly...6th grade. That's when it all started. And now I'm here. I couldn't leave it all behind no matter how hard I tried. I saw you once when I was 9. We never talked, but I saw you for sure. I don't know how, but your appearance stuck in my mind, but I never knew. Or cared for that matter. Seeing you again.. after our itty bitty elementary school graduation. We were never in the same school, but the middle school brought everyone together. You were there. In my homeroom. I kept staring, knowing I saw you somewhere. But where? Then I remembered. It was '''you. '''I saw you in the library when we both were in the 4th grade. But after that, I never saw you again until 6th grade rolled around. The year spun by right after meeting you. We competed so much.. comparing grades, scores, skills. All the time. ''Who scored better? Who played the violin better? Who ran faster? Who got a higher test grade? ''Everyone thought that we hated each other's guts. I thought so too. And maybe we did? Little did I know that'd change.. Brings me to the last day of 6th grade. The day I became an insomniac. Because of '''your words. All of you said was a freakig sentence. But that one sentence changed my life forever. The bell of the last period rang, we both went to ohr lockers.. which were frankly right next to each other. We didn't look at each other since we were packing up our things into our bag, ending the school year and the start of summer break. Zipping up my bag.Then you said my name. I looked at you in question. And I still '''remember what you said.. word for word. ''"Reina..I-I can't believe I'm saying this but.. have a good summer."'' Simple sentence, right? Nothing big, nothing crazy. But the fact that it came from you, out of all people.. the person who never complimented or said anything positive to me for a whole year... said something so simple.. I couldn't believe it. I answered you with "Yeah.. you too." We turned our separate ways for the rest of the summer, but thanks to your one sentence, I couldn't get you out of my head. I was TERRIFIED.. because I thought, '''I, out of all ''people.. had a crush on someone. And that was ''you. Me. A cringey need, weeb violinist. A forever immature idiot amidst my peers who all fantasized over Starbucks and boys. Me, the one who never uttered a curse word out loud before. Me, out of all people, had a crush. I hated it. All I wanted to do was concentrate on my schoolwork. Earn good grades. Excell in the violin and drawing. And finally, make my Asian parents proud of me. And in a way, you helped! Our constant competition to try harder and earn better grades. In the end, it did help increase my grades. But after what you said that day, our rivalry dissipated. Sure, you still thought of me as nothing but a rival. Ha, remember our violin concert in 7th grade? We had to play with 6th, 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, AND 12th graders.. ALL ON THE SAME STAGE FOR ONE SONG. It was so crowded, but I needed a stand partner. We bumped into each other, found an empty stand, and played. That day you told me I was your "frenemy"; nor enemy nor friend. It still made my heart flutter. Despite being "frenemies", I still thought about you so much. When the summer after 6th grade FINALLY ended, I was PRAYING that I was on the same team as you.. or if we had any classes together. I was slowly losing hope. Periods ran by on the first day of school, and I didn't see you. Until 5th period. It was Gym. My PhysEd class rotates out with Orchestra every other day. I sat down in my assigned spot, my eyes fixed on the door. Waiting for it to open with you any minute now. Then it did. You strode right in, your skin much tanner than the year before. But everything else was the same. I was so happy that day. I couldn't wait for another year with you. We didn't have as much fun as 6th grade. In 6th, we had 5/8 classes together, it was insane. 7th, it was just one period, but I didn't care. We still had it together. The small moments made me so happy. Our orchestra teacher even made us sit next to each other based on the seating chart. You talked to me about your old life in Italy, we reminisced our 6th grade memories, and we talked about The Godfather. I read the book because I knew that you did, and frankly I enjoyed it. I didn't get to watch the movie though. However, we still had fun talking about it. The only sad part about 7th grade was the fact that we weren't on the same team. But it's alright, we shared many memories. The last day of 7th gradw was an orchestra day. As expected, we did 0 work and our teacher let us chill and talk, play on our phones, etc. You were hanging out with your friends, talking about soccer and the other games you play. I decided to keep the tradition going. I knew this would be the last time I'd see you before summer again. So I called your name, waved, and said"Have a good summer", to return the favor. Your response was pathetic enough, but I took it. You just looked over your shoulder at me, then walked off with your friends. I didn't mind. Your brief look was satisfying enough. The whole summer tormented me once more. This time even worse than the last. It seemed as if every year, my feelings for you intensified even more. At this point, no one knew about it. I kept supressing my feelings way down within me. I kept putting on a show, pretending that I hated you and that you were nothing to me. I flaunted, saying "Ha, liking people at this age is stupid. I won't ever be that person." Ironically, I fell victim to love despite my efforts to ignore it. Anyways, soon enough it was 8th grade. The big deal of middle school. I couldn't wait to see my friends again, and most of all, you. However, when our schedules came, I wasn't on the same team as my bestest friends. I was the odd one out. I consoled myself, knowing there was still a chance for me to be on the same team as you for the last year of middle school. Ha, I wish. The first day of school came, and I found out you were on the team as my friends. Every single one of my friends were either on your team, or had at least one class with you. I was shocked. It seemed like a curse. I get it, it's not always possible for our schedules to overlap. But how the heck did each one of my '''friends have at least one class with you? Was it to torture me? Maybe it was, because I was crestfallen. Especially since in 8th grade, my feelings for you got even harder to compress. But I managed to do it. I took a longer trip to my locker just to pass by you once, to see your face at least once. In the morning right after the busses pulled up, I hung out with my friends at their lockers, but my main reason for doing so, was to stand by your locker and talk to you too. And we did! It was like nothing changed between us, we were still hanging out once and a while and talking. Not like the other 2 years, but it was enough to make me happy. However, concentrating on schoolwork became harder. I received my first B+ average in Biology in first quarter. Many of the smart kids in my class received lower than expected grades as well, because the course was much harder than what were used to. Some people envied my B+. But it was an all time low for me. I couldn't believe it. I knew that my thoughts about you must've interferred with my studies. Despite my efforts, you stubbornly wouldn't leave my head. My grades managed to stay in the A's, but it was more of a struggle. Slowly, December came, and then Winter Break rolled around. Probably the highlight of the whole year <3 It was two days before Christmas. I was at home, reading on my couch. My phone buzzes. Then it starts to buzz uncontrollably. I knew that this must be the work of my idiotic friends. Apparently, they made a group chat with me in it. It was named the Muffin Nation (idk why). I was laughing, replying quickly to the numbers that I recognized in the group chat. But I noticed that there were 6 people in the chat including me. 3 of them were my friends, and therefore were familiar contacts. 2 unknown numbers were in the chat. I was confused, and therefore asked my friends wHO THE HECK were these people. One of my friends said that the two unknown numbers were _____ (founder of the chat), and YOU. I was like, "wHAAAT GUYS STOP MESSING WITH ME HE'S NOT IN THIS CHAT NO WAY, STOP IT GUYS YOU KNOW I HATE HIM (lie)" All my friends did, was just laugh and say, "THAT'S WHY WE ADDED HIM AND THEN WE ADDED YOU." Right, I forgot to mention that my friends and even random people have been shipping us since 6th grade, just to annoy the heck out of me. It was clear to them that I "didn't like you", but they still shipped us together anyway. Anyway, at this point I was still in shock. So were you, but I STILL didn't know that you were in the chat. I made each one of the people in the chat to say their names so I could know who was who, and add them to my contacts. Sure enough, you said your name. I mentally screamed, but STILL didn't believe you. I asked for evidence, and you send a selfie and that's when I died. I immediately added you as a contact. I privately messaged you outside the group chat, asking if it really was you. You responded, "Who is this" and I told you who I was. Then you confirmed, it really was you. I never imagined I'd have your number, and I'm probably going to be forever grateful to ______ for founding the group chat and giving me your number. And after that day, we texted each other frequently in private message, since you never really went on the group chat after I taught you how to put it on 'do not disturb'. I helped you with math weekly assignments, argued about what was better; Steven Universe or The Godfather, LOL. You answered my texts almost immediately, no matter how pointless they were. You even told me about your 102 fever, and I remember panicking for you to get better. You told me about your broken foot, and the concussions you got from playing soccer. I kept telling you to be careful but you always said don't worry. Then the winter concert came around a week or two after break. I auditioned for a violin solo for the concert, and got the part. But another Jewish kid (basically a violin prodigy) auditioned as well. He got it as well. So our teacher arranged for us to play a duet of the part instead of the solo. Our job was to open the first song alone, and then the rest of the orchestra would join in after. I was psyched. During rehersals on stage, I sat next to you because we never had enough chairs. I still played my duet with the other kid during rehersals, and it was nice. Playing with the best violinist in the grade was really cool. But the thing is, he hated orchestra and the teacher. Claimed it was "boring", despite his amazing skill. So he ditched the concert. We were going on stage for the concert in a half hour, and we were all practicing in the orchestra room. Our teahcer noticed that my parter wasn't here for the duet. She started panicking, and so was I. Then you stepped in, volunteering to play with me. You never saw the sheet music for the duet let alone practice it. But then again, you're also a really good violinist. Our teacher let you play. We hurried to the corner of the orchestra room, practicing together like crazy before it was our time to go on. We walked on stage, took our spots standing in the front. We exhange an uneasy look. Our teacher walked on stage, set the orchestra to sit. She gave us an easy look, then cued us in. We played our duet. And it was amazing. I was smiling the whole time, sinc we both sounded great and surprisingly in sync. Even our teacher looked surprised while she conducted. After we played our duet, we continued to play the rest of the song with the orchestra. We no longer had the spotlights on us, but we still played the rest of the song '''together. I was so engrossed with playing, the scroll of my violin crashed into yours, and you cursed. Our teacher gave us a crazy look but we were giggling the whole time as we played. Once the song finally ended, we looked at each other. You said, "we actually sounded pretty good" and I laughed right then and there on stage. I didn't care if the whole audience saw, I enjoyed every bit of it. But then. Things began to change... probably around late April or May of 8th grade. We hardly began to talk in school. You never answered texts anymore. You claimed you "never got them", despite it saying delivered under each one of my texts. I didn't even text you ALL THE TIME, probably once or twice a week at most. I didn't hold a grudge though, because I knew you had a life. And I knew you had actual friends you'd rather spend time with. I didn't mind at all, but it still hurt nonetheless. Graduation was a whiz. Me getting one of the most respected awards passed by in a daze. All the words of praise and congratulations seemed null and void. I just wanted to hear the word "congrats" from you, whether it be IRL or in text, I didn't care about anything else. But you never said anything. Not a word. Would it KILL you to even wave? A smile? I wouldn't care if we were strangers to each other. But the fact that we had such a close friendship.. and how you broke it by just silence.. thats what hurt the most. I just.. really miss the good times we had. I genuinely don't want to go out with you, or be your "girlfriend". Despite me having a huge crush on you for so many years now, the only thing I want is a lasting friendship. With YOU. Please talk to me again... I miss you.. --Your forever frenemy Category:Blog posts